So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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