I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We need a shit load of segways right now
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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