I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
