you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
