can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
