my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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