Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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