So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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