i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
