I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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