someone threw a dead crab at me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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