Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
