Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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