I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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