I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
