i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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