i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
