i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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