How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
