His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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