I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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