why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
