I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
