If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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