Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nicole vs. Life
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
