my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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