about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
