never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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