While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
