I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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