The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
