Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
