I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
