Porn is love you can see.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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