I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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