i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize