i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
