She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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