the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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