I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
