I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
