i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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