You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
