I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
