note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
