Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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