Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
