guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
