i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
