last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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