I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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