so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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