Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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