I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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