ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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