i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
