My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize