He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
