the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
