We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
