I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize