why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
