We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
