if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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