He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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