I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
