I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
