I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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