addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Even my vagina gasped.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
