he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
