I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
