Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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