Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
