Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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