If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
