smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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